I often think that the night is more alive and more richly colored than the day.

Vincent Van Gogh

So here I am, 11 pm on a Sunday, writing about what it feels like to be alive. I’ve been experiencing significant breathing issues this past week. I won’t go into details, except that everything is fine. I was checked out by a doctor and all is well. Which is frustrating during a time like this. Maybe it’s a cold or allergies, or anxiety? Regardless, all I can say is thank god it’s not COVID-19.

But these breathing issues got me thinking…what a funny sensation it is to feel anxious and afraid, yet alive at the same time. I often spend my days disregarding my breath and speeding through life. As a result, I’m unappreciative of every breath I take and every step my heart takes to keep me going, day after day.

Meditation is helpful. So I do it when I can and I take notice of my breath. Sometimes I’m guided to thank my body for it’s ability to keep me alive, but not always. Most of the time, simply being aware of my breath in meditation comes with an unspecified gratitude.

That unknown, unawareness of our breath on a day to day basis doesn’t really matter though. Despite our awareness, our breath still signals to the unconscious parts of our brains that we are alive. Yet in order to FEEL alive, we have to be aware of our breath, our fears, and simply- our humanness.

Alive: Definitions

1. “(of a person, animal, or plant) living, not dead.”
2. “continuing in existence or use.”
3. “(of a person or animal) alert and active; animated.”
4. “having interest and meaning.”

I looked up these definitions to get a better understanding of what it means to be alive on a basic level.

• My favorite definition: “living, not dead.” Cool. Helpful…

• Next up, “continuing in existence or use.” This one makes me think of when we keep someones memory alive after they die. They may be no longer with us, but they are alive in our hearts and minds. What a pleasant experience it is, to keep something alive…and to be alive ourselves in order to observe life and communicate about it!

• Now this next definition is interesting: “alert and active, animated”. Even though we may all live and breath every day, we don’t all feel alert, active, and animated throughout each and every day. Yet, we are. We wake up, our lungs take in air, our hearts pump, and our eyes open. As a result, our bodies animate. Even if we lay in bed for hours and hours, awake or asleep, some part of our body is animated at all times. The human body is active and it’s doing things constantly. It’s alert and ready to react on a moment’s notice, whether we are conscious of it or not.

• And finally, “having interest and meaning.” This feels more like being conscious of something in order to keep it alive. To me, this was what I always thought of as being alive, to have meaning, purpose, or something to contribute to society. But this is only one part of this extremely expansive 5 letter word – Alive.

Aquarius Full Moon 2020 – Why It’s OK to be a Pessimist

To Be Alive – Summary

Maybe Van Gogh was right. Maybe the dark/unseen parts of life are what makes us the most alive. In his quote (at the top of the article), he’s talking about night time and how colorful and alive it is compared to day time. We often think of this light bright Sun powering us everyday and giving us the ability to see our greatest potentials and possibilities; but, isn’t it the night time that gives us the ability to dream? Thus, the ability to imagine our own greatest potentials and possibilities without the burden of the day light that shines on the superficial life paths of others?

For some, the day time is a time to thrive. To see the gifts the world grants us, to go to college, to go to work, to see where in the world they can shine their light to live out their purpose and feel alive.

For others (like me and my pal Van Gogh here), the night time is a time to thrive. To connect with the Moon, shut out the rest of the world and to create whatever world they want to see – through dreams, imagination, art, writing, etc.

Day person, night person, whatever you are, wherever you are; you don’t need to do what everyone else does in order to feel alive. You don’t need to always chase your purpose and know exactly what you need to be doing in order to feel the most alive. Your body is working. It’s bringing you life. Sometimes it’s necessary to feel into it and be conscious of that which makes you alive, but other times it’s necessary to let go and to just trust that your body is keeping you alive. No need to constantly police it’s process. Let it breathe. Trust your lungs. “Trust your heart, let fate decide. To guide these lives we see!”

Wouldn’t be a blog post of mine without a random song popping into my head: Two Worlds by Phil Collins

Writing Exercise:

Are you day person or a night person? What makes you feel alive? Journal about it, then let it go! Burn it, delete it from your notes app, rip it up. See if it finds it’s way into your life naturally. That’s what I’m off to do 🙂

And check out these posts on the Sun and the Moon for more inspiration.